1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
