I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
