I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
