My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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