still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
