either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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