i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
