OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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