No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
