I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
