hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
