the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
