i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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