P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
