I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
