You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
