My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
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