i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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