Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize