It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
