great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
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I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize