dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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