Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
