I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize