You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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