Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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