I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
