she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
