If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
