I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
