two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
