I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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