Say something about gay babies.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
