Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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