Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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