I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
