I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
