The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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