I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
either way he was missing a nipple.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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