Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
