No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
