She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
