i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
