People with herpes should wear stickers.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
