Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
