btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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