so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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