I'm gonna have a badass scar
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
