he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You took a bar mat shot.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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