my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
