the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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