Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
