Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
