I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
