you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
