Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
This is not my ceiling
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
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