Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
