Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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