we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
