No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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