the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
