Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
