those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
