that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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