Ambien. No doubt about it.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
