Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
