Sponge bath it is.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
