Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
