I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Randomize
