If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
