If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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