Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
