who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Drake has all the answers
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
