I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
