I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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