I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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