It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
