Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
